Potential

Potential: n., a latent (present but not visible) excellence or ability that may or may not be developed.

From the moment a mother’s pregnancy is confirmed, once the shock has worn off and acceptance has settled in, she allows herself to dream of the possibilities and that potential.  At least this is how it works for me. A few weeks ago when I found out that we were to expect baby number seven, I first of all freaked out a little, then became nervous of all the large family naysayers, and then I began the dreaming.  The list of names, began that Brian quickly rejected; the research began for the van we would soon have to purchase; the kids began to discuss how the sleeping arrangements would change; I began looking for maternity clothes at the thrift store.

Why?

Because, I know that there is potential at conception

I started to ponder the baby’s temperament.  Would he or she be kind and tenderhearted, would they be energetic and outspoken? I wondered if this next baby would have Jace’s thick tresses and share his sense of humor and compassion for the less fortunate.  Would it be quirky like Brynna and have her passion for God’s plan in it’s life?  If it’s a girl would they be obsessed like Ryleigh with clothes and shoes and want to be a nurse so they could help mom’s and babies?  Could it have Keely’s dimples and want to help those who can’t help themselves(or who could help themselves, but she won’t allow it)?  Would he or she be like my Vance?  (Lord, help me!) Fair-haired with an energy for life that frustrates and makes us laugh all at the same time.   Would it take after our petite Sadie and be content in pretty much any situation? I pictured the mass chaos of Christmas morning this coming year and for the next 20 years from now, and smiled.

Why?

Because, I know that there is potential in every life.

With six healthy pregnancies, I always focused on the excellence and never really worried about the second part of the definition, “may or may not be developed.”   Then I began spotting.  I prayed, knowing full well that it was in God’s hands.  I know my petition was heard, but the request was not answered.  I was surprised by the great loss I felt.  I thought the fact that I had six others would lessen the grief, but it didn’t.  I assumed the fact that I had never held the baby in my arms would make it easy, but it still hurt.  Ryleigh’s comment of, “In heaven we will be a family of nine,” meant to bring comfort, made my heart even more sad.  Sad, that I won’t experience life here on earth with that baby, because my children no matter how crazy they drive me or how angry I get with them, they bring me immense joy.  I hold tight to the belief that God is at work in this situation and to Him I give it so that He can use it for good.

Why?

Because, I know that there is potential in every situation and only with Him can it truly develop.