The Touch of Jesus

I’ve been missing.

I know I’ve been MIA from the bloggysphere before, this time my excuse was legit.  We have picked up all we have known, everything our children were familiar with and left it behind as we transplanted from one coast to the other.

It’s been tough.

It’s been tougher than tough.

It’s sucked.

After months of loneliness, frustration, of loathing, I have sought the Lord and endured.  It’s not a hundred percent, but I’m walking.  I’m lonely, frustrated, and occasionally loathing but I’m holding His hand.

I feel it.

My latest article for Managing Your Blessings:  The Touch of Jesus

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4 thoughts on “The Touch of Jesus

  1. Wow, wow, wow. Read your full post on Managing Your Blessings. This is exactly where I am at this moment. I am crying because I just called out to God again before checking through your blog,”Lord, restore my joy in this calling! Help me!” Last May/June, God whispered to my husband and I to sell our house,get rid of everything in it, buy an RV( we have never RV-ed in our lives) and travel the country for a year( and later revealed we should throw a campground ministry in there). Ummm-say what? But it is important to us to be obedient so we have listened and we soon realizes how fun this opportunity could be. We got to work on our house and in 2 weeks we had it up for sale July 1st. And here we are, still waiting for our house to sell so we can have money to support us for a year on the road. But I was patient, kind of. We finally got an travel trailer with our tax return and where poised to tow it home beginning of April. I was SOO excited! Then we got some wonderful news that we were expecting our 6th child! Yay! But did not expect that given God’s plans for us at the moment. And then we were left with a trailer that seemed way too small to fit all, soon to be, 8 of us. So we decided to trade in our new to us RV for a bigger one. But I loved our original trailer. I don’t know if it was that decision that caused me to lose my joy for our trip or if it is hormones or sickness or what. But I have been joyless since the beginning of April. I can’t even go into our trailer that is parked outside. Before I had big decorating plans and had bought stuff and couldn’t wait to redo the RV. Now I avoid the trailer like a plague and can’t even think about traveling the country. I will still be obedient, but I just want my joy back. Who stole my joy? Is this a sign from God or is it Satan? My life is in limbo in a house that we are trying to sell yet I don’t want to leave right now. Yet in a way I don’t want to stay either. I can’t do anything to improve this house with personal touches because we are trying to sell it, yet I don’t want to do anything to the RV. My life feels like it’s out of whack and I am not sure which way is up. All the rest of my family is still excited for our adventure which makes it that much harder. I stay quiet and am still praying that God restores my joy. I FELT God before but don’t feel him now. As a person with the gift of discernment I am a feeler and desperately need that hand on me. Your story is my story, except I am still in limbo. Thank you for sharing.

    • Kimberly,
      Thank you for your comment. Following God is hard! I knew that. I still do. But, the fact that everything fell into place for His plan should have meant that an angelic glow would follow me around as we did His will, right? Well I guess not. Instead he leaves our houses on the market for extended periods of time (which that happened to us too, but when it finally did sell it was a beautiful story of reunification with a boy we had mentored as a troubled teen who became an awesome dad and husband. God is good!)and surprises us with blessings that we know truly are blessings but blows our minds thinking how we are going to make it work (baby six for you and seven for me).
      I’ll be honest I’m still fighting it. Or rather fighting for it. I feel his hand but some how I want more. I want the full body hug, the carry-me-for-a-while-Lord-contact because I’m exhausted from feeling on my own. I’m tired of searching and reaching. I need some rest in His arms. I will be praying for you even though we don’t know one another, because a mama who is willing to give up so much for the love of her Lord, serve her kiddos with teaching them at home, is adventurous enough to brave campground and rest stop bathrooms, and spearheads a larger-than-most-family is tops in my book. And hey if your new adventures ever bring you through MD, you should totally look us up.
      Blessings and Love,
      Erica

      • Thanks so much for the encouragement and simply understanding ;) And just because I believe it is good to be as detailed as possible in prayers, my name is Jen. My user name was my blog about adopting our then 7 year old special needs daughter from the Philippines-that’s a whole other ‘following God is hard’ story though ;) What I have learned from it though applies over and over again in life: Just because God brings you to something doesn’t mean it will be easy. Anyhow, praying for you too and I will definitely message you when we get on the road to see if our families can meet up =)

      • Jen, Nice to virtually meet you. I will be praying for your family and the sale of your home. I look forward to meeting you face-to-face one day when you hit the open road. :)

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